ADULT*ing?

Hello!!!! It is September now. I am entering the fourth month with my company. So far? Let's just say it does not make me happy, does not make me feel like I'm growing intellectually and it does not satisfy my hunger for knowledge. I am definitely not a know it all but I would love to learn and try to know it all (which is IMPOSSIBLE, I know). I am a reader. I might hate studying but I love to learn new things especially something hands-on or technical. Right now, I'm just in the office doing a very tiny research which my company is not good at. everything I learned in Uni I cant use here, because they are so "KUNO". I do not necessarily  hate the place I work at but they just need to change and follow the world that never stops changing.

It is hard to land a job now with this economy so what choice do I have? Stay and let me be eaten alive in this working world or quit and do something that I love? Both options comes down to the financial issue. The first one will help me in being better financially and the latter will put me in financial risk. I'm not happy if I stay, but I'm not sure if I can survive and if my family is willing to support me. I am confused, lethargic, not happy and lost. I AM LOST in this ADULT WORLD. I might just hate it. Am I the problem? Not being thankful? I am. God, I am.

Here is what I think I'm gonna do right now. I should read more. writing this seems like a headache. The words I know deep within me, I can't remember. Maybe read more on my industry and learn from there since I cant do any technical things here because they said I am a girl. BULL!!! Just because I am a girl, does not mean I cannot do all the heavy work. This is what I wanna say, "DUDE!!!! I carry mineral boxes during my Viper Volunteer more than most of the guys. nearly non-stop until two lorries were filled (not just me la). And then we had to unload the lorries. and then we have to continue our work. I have muscles and bruises everywhere. Did I complain? No, I was proud of it. Proud of the things that I am able to do."

...and I'm Back

It has been more than a year now. Life has changed a lot since my last post. I am now a Chemical Engineer graduate and currently working with a company that specialized in manufacturing of palm oil mill equipment. It has only been 2 years.

Why am I back here when I know that no one would be reading my blog? Hmmmm... because i can! Hahahahaha. Honestly, this past few months I have came across articles on the advantages and benefits of people who writes and apparently it does not matter what they wrote as long as they're "writing" (typing or whatever. *lol*). so here I am again trying to brush up writing skills again and who knows if I will get back into TRYING to write poems. Can it be called as poem? Well, whatever it is called. I miss writing and I did try doing it again but nothing seems to pop into my head. not sentences nor words. Maybe it's the technology that made me this way. To be truthful, I have not been reading much compared to how much I am playing my games on the phone. So, I blame TECHNOLOGY!!!!!

Back to my life. Since I started joining this rat race of life in the working world. It is not fun at all. All these responsibilities, networking is eating my soul little by little. It's not bad at all working. But during this time, I have also realized what I really want to do in my life. the problem is financially, my parents are not in a good shape. It okay but we could do better. For me to quit my job and do what I like seems to be unreachable. Impossible some might say. 

What I really wanna do has something to do with animals. I just found out like recently that I really really love animals. It started with Life and then MooMoo. I never thought I could love both of them as much as I did. Life has departed. I cried like hell when she passed. But I have given her all I can. She was admitted to the vet clinic for more than once and I loved her for leaving me when I was KK. I know she hates me seeing her in pain. I had to give MooMoo away as I was back in KK for 5 months and I can't bring her with me and I would not have the money to put her in boarding for that long. but I tried to find her the best family for her new family and I hope she is happy now.

So, regarding the matter of me loving animals and what I really wanna do in my life. I want to work with NGOs that have a mission to save animals. I don't discriminate on any animals be it babi or anjing. because my religion teaches me to love all beings the same. And I love love LOVE dogs. And CATS!!! But we all have to start small right? I have two plans in mind right now. One that invests only on time and love and the other one with money and love and time. SPCA volunteer and saving cats, nurture them until they are oh so adorable and give up for adoption (it takes a lot of money though). Once I am stable, i would. But for now, I have to find time and courage to go to SPCA alone and start volunteering (sad story of an introvert).

WOW!!! This is quite a long entry. I didn't know that I have a lot in my mind I would want  to write. While I was thinking to revisit this blog, I was contemplating because I THOUGHT I have nothing to write about. Now that I am writing, this is only the start. I have not written anything on graduating, my family, my future nephew, my uni friends, my old friends, the situation in the office, my graduation, my holidays, my plan for the future and so on... I can't even list it all down.Oh and my yoga life. The only place where my mind can go silent to focus on my practice. My mind have been very LOUD lately. Too much thinking. It is sooooooooooo hard being a grown up. I hate it!

Now I remember why I used to love writing. It is therapeutic. I only spend merely an hour for this entry yet I feel a lot lighter. Writing about the past is like walking down the memory lane. I smiled and nearly cried for this entry. Would definitely be doing this again. Maybe I should starting hitting the books again. I am going to be a bit more active in this as I still have no serious job that I need to attend to and I feel bored at the office other than helping Human Resource people with their work. 

Lastly, I would like to end this entry with ALHAMDULILLAH. God knows best and I am blessed.