I just want to say..... that I am finally at the point where I am contented with what I have and what I am going through. Not exactly to say that I have everything I want, but rather still am happy in spite of the shit that Im having. Though now that Im thinking about it, I have everything that I want at this right moment for now. Without thinking about the future of course.
And.....*drum roll* I have finally arrive to a point of, Im not emotionally tied up to certain someone anymore. Oh yeah!! I am no longer in emotional haywire when it comes to him. I dont stalk him anymore. I dont give a rats ass who he is going out with anymore. I dont wonder about what hes doing. I dont even want to know who, what or where. I realised this when i woke up from a very good sleep that I dont feel anything anymore. I dont miss him. I dont have the urge to want to see him. I definitely dont deserve that kind of guy. Seriously. I cant deal with that.
And recently I have discovered a new side of me. The new side due to growing up. I am at a point of my life where I love growing up. Discovering new things, people and places. I have been going out, meeting a lot of strangers, trying new places, and I just look at my life in whole different angle now. Im not about to let anything bring me down. Its only April, but this year have brought a lot of changes in me both emotionally and physically.
So, my next plan. Is to go out more. Meet more new people. Take up another new hobby. Share my love for things I do with people I love. Cheers~
p/s: your lost is not mine. my gain is not yours. to be the kind of person you are. dont be a sad sad case for a man. you might be smiling, you might be laughing but your heart doesnt feel anything. and with that, you will never feel the true feeling of happiness. and because of that, youre living one big fat lie. but hey, no one knows what you feel except for yourself. So, I might be wrong. I hope you find what youre looking for in life. Just stop living life where everyone looks at you and feels sad for you. Like they say, instead of grow old gracefully, we grow up gracefully. =)
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Thursday, April 5, 2012
My birthday wish!!!!
ATTENTION!!!! :P
My birthday is coming up. Its on the 21st of April for all you people who dont know when it is. Haha! So, here I am trying to appeal on your kindness for a birthday present! :D
I have tried asking for RM50 each from all my friends. But that didnt work out well. So Im gonna make it sweet and have nothing to do with money this year.
For my birthday this year, all Im asking for is;
I WANT A BIRTHDAY CARD!!!
I miss getting birthday cards on my birthday, and I think birthday cards is the sweetest thing you can give a person and can be kept for a long long time as a momento. So, dear friends. I want a birthday card. Not just a birthday card. I want heart warming birthday cards. Tell me who am I to you, why you love me and.... why youre thankful that I was born into this world full of hate and heartache. Hehe~ If you hate me and have nothing good to say, dont lie. Just dont give me a card. Simple. But if you love me, I want a card! So I know you love me. Ngeee~
The conclusion of this is, I want a birthday card!!! :D
Thats all. Have a great day and great month of April! Weehooo~
My birthday is coming up. Its on the 21st of April for all you people who dont know when it is. Haha! So, here I am trying to appeal on your kindness for a birthday present! :D
I have tried asking for RM50 each from all my friends. But that didnt work out well. So Im gonna make it sweet and have nothing to do with money this year.
For my birthday this year, all Im asking for is;
I WANT A BIRTHDAY CARD!!!
I miss getting birthday cards on my birthday, and I think birthday cards is the sweetest thing you can give a person and can be kept for a long long time as a momento. So, dear friends. I want a birthday card. Not just a birthday card. I want heart warming birthday cards. Tell me who am I to you, why you love me and.... why youre thankful that I was born into this world full of hate and heartache. Hehe~ If you hate me and have nothing good to say, dont lie. Just dont give me a card. Simple. But if you love me, I want a card! So I know you love me. Ngeee~
The conclusion of this is, I want a birthday card!!! :D
Thats all. Have a great day and great month of April! Weehooo~
Monday, April 2, 2012
Confession
Dear Mr SB, my happy pills.
I doubtly think that you might read this. But if you do, I know you know this post is about you. But being a coward that I am, Im gonna make the chance for you to find out that this post is for you a little bit hard, i would not post this particular post on facebook. Since I know that you're on facebook.
Anyways, according to the title of this post, this post is me confessing my feelings for you. (Im laughing while writing this!) As cliche as it may sound, I have no guts to tell you straight forward and there is alot at stake. Not only my friendship with you but also my friendship with someone dearest to me and connected to you. If I were to make a decision for myself, I wouldnt even stay friends with you nor her. But she said she needed me and she doesnt know what to do if I were to left her. Same goew to me. I dont particular need her. But having her as a close friend definitely I love. And Im left with the choice of staying as her friend which inevitably yours too. I dont want to be immature and make it hard for her or us by being a bitch and stop being friends with you. Its not that shes not important to me, that I have considered to not be friends at all. But sometimes I feel tired trying so hard to make it easy for other people without considering myself and what I have to go through. Yet, Im still around. She is important to me. Too important that I decided even if I bump into you or meet you at the same time, I would be cool about it. I love her to death. And knowing both of you were one of the highlights in my life.
Im not trying to be bitter or immature. In fact, Im trying so hard to be mature for you in making a decision. I never push you. I never question you. Even when I think I shouldnt be treated the way you treat me, I never said anything to you. Yes, sometimes I cant help myself from being mad. But I think I have every right to behave so. Im sorry that sometimes I make it hard for you. But you havent make it easier for me too. Im not trying to confess that Im in love with you . NO! Im not. So you can be relieve now. Haha. This is just me confessing that you are one of the special people in my life, who I really really really care about.
Maybe because you are the first guy I have ever let into my life. You always say that I dont tell you anything. That I have a lot of secrets. That you sometimes think that you dont know me. I never said anything, You were wrong. But I cant seem to explain to you. You might not know what is happening to my daily life. But i told you all the important things. You just dont realised it. Yet. I just wish sometimes you care more. But I know thats wishful thinking. Right now, all I want to know is who am I to you. Because I love people who love me, I like people who like me, I care about people who cares about me. I dont want you to mean a lot to me if I dont mean a lot to you. Its not fair. And I will only end up getting hurt because I have hopes and expectations from you.
Sometimes I feel like youve taken advantage of me. But then, come to think of it. You might think Im taking advantage of you too. Its so hard to tell you what I want to say. Maybe because we never even talk about us and we always assume. I assumed that being the kind of guy you are, I cant expect anything. I know that. Because I know you, and what I got myself into. It was a mistake. But I dont regret it. You taught me a lot of things. You showed alot of things and what Im feeling for you somehow made me grow up. In a way. Wether or not in a good way or bad, i dont know yet. time will tell. And the best part is you have coloured my life. Like I said this is not to confess my love to you or I want to be with you. Dont get me wrong. This is just to show you how important and significant you are to my life.
Im sorry if this is immature to you. But you have to remember, Im younger than you and you are the first person I have ever felt this way for. I think, Im allowed to be immature. Sometimes. And you know I never been in this kind of situation before. With us, it just happened. Im not someone with no feelings. Yes, maybe I am stone-hearted but I do have feelings. Im just too good on not showing it and fooling you. I have tried to not make it as a big issue. I tried hard. I told myself that this is just a phase. But its not a phase if its still there after more than 2 years would it? I know I have no rights to ask anything from you, so I wont. Im not expecting you to do anything at all.
Now that Im thinking about this post, I dont even know whats the real purpose of me doing this. Maybe I just need an outlet. Maybe I just miss how we were before. What have changed? Maybe both of us. People grow up and change. Theres nothing we can do to stop that. But if I can stop a time for us, It would be the time where you were the place I run to every time Im down. Cause with you it felt like the world doesnt matter. Im happy just to be around you and you always know how to cheer me up. The late supper. The times where your hug makes it alright. Makes me feel safe because I know you will always be there for me. The laughs, the just spending time with each other even though we dont really talk. Even only with your presence, its enough. I just miss those times.
I like you. A lot!!!!! Its just sad that, I feel like when you come and hang out with me, you did it because you have to. Not because you want to. I dont know if its true. I hope not. I only want to ask one thing from you, to be honest to me. With me, you dont have to do anything, because you feel you have to. Do it because you want to. And if you want to tell me something or have a talk but you think it might hurt me or change how things are between us, dont feel that way.. Please do tell me. I wont say things will stay the same, but I can promise you this. I would not be immature and I will respect whatever youre decision is. Even if it hurts me, I will get over it. Not right away. But with time I will. It may take some time, but I do adore you and love having you as a friend. So, I hope thats enough to make us get back to where our friendship is on balance. :)
*pandarain*
I doubtly think that you might read this. But if you do, I know you know this post is about you. But being a coward that I am, Im gonna make the chance for you to find out that this post is for you a little bit hard, i would not post this particular post on facebook. Since I know that you're on facebook.
Anyways, according to the title of this post, this post is me confessing my feelings for you. (Im laughing while writing this!) As cliche as it may sound, I have no guts to tell you straight forward and there is alot at stake. Not only my friendship with you but also my friendship with someone dearest to me and connected to you. If I were to make a decision for myself, I wouldnt even stay friends with you nor her. But she said she needed me and she doesnt know what to do if I were to left her. Same goew to me. I dont particular need her. But having her as a close friend definitely I love. And Im left with the choice of staying as her friend which inevitably yours too. I dont want to be immature and make it hard for her or us by being a bitch and stop being friends with you. Its not that shes not important to me, that I have considered to not be friends at all. But sometimes I feel tired trying so hard to make it easy for other people without considering myself and what I have to go through. Yet, Im still around. She is important to me. Too important that I decided even if I bump into you or meet you at the same time, I would be cool about it. I love her to death. And knowing both of you were one of the highlights in my life.
Im not trying to be bitter or immature. In fact, Im trying so hard to be mature for you in making a decision. I never push you. I never question you. Even when I think I shouldnt be treated the way you treat me, I never said anything to you. Yes, sometimes I cant help myself from being mad. But I think I have every right to behave so. Im sorry that sometimes I make it hard for you. But you havent make it easier for me too. Im not trying to confess that Im in love with you . NO! Im not. So you can be relieve now. Haha. This is just me confessing that you are one of the special people in my life, who I really really really care about.
Maybe because you are the first guy I have ever let into my life. You always say that I dont tell you anything. That I have a lot of secrets. That you sometimes think that you dont know me. I never said anything, You were wrong. But I cant seem to explain to you. You might not know what is happening to my daily life. But i told you all the important things. You just dont realised it. Yet. I just wish sometimes you care more. But I know thats wishful thinking. Right now, all I want to know is who am I to you. Because I love people who love me, I like people who like me, I care about people who cares about me. I dont want you to mean a lot to me if I dont mean a lot to you. Its not fair. And I will only end up getting hurt because I have hopes and expectations from you.
Sometimes I feel like youve taken advantage of me. But then, come to think of it. You might think Im taking advantage of you too. Its so hard to tell you what I want to say. Maybe because we never even talk about us and we always assume. I assumed that being the kind of guy you are, I cant expect anything. I know that. Because I know you, and what I got myself into. It was a mistake. But I dont regret it. You taught me a lot of things. You showed alot of things and what Im feeling for you somehow made me grow up. In a way. Wether or not in a good way or bad, i dont know yet. time will tell. And the best part is you have coloured my life. Like I said this is not to confess my love to you or I want to be with you. Dont get me wrong. This is just to show you how important and significant you are to my life.
Im sorry if this is immature to you. But you have to remember, Im younger than you and you are the first person I have ever felt this way for. I think, Im allowed to be immature. Sometimes. And you know I never been in this kind of situation before. With us, it just happened. Im not someone with no feelings. Yes, maybe I am stone-hearted but I do have feelings. Im just too good on not showing it and fooling you. I have tried to not make it as a big issue. I tried hard. I told myself that this is just a phase. But its not a phase if its still there after more than 2 years would it? I know I have no rights to ask anything from you, so I wont. Im not expecting you to do anything at all.
Now that Im thinking about this post, I dont even know whats the real purpose of me doing this. Maybe I just need an outlet. Maybe I just miss how we were before. What have changed? Maybe both of us. People grow up and change. Theres nothing we can do to stop that. But if I can stop a time for us, It would be the time where you were the place I run to every time Im down. Cause with you it felt like the world doesnt matter. Im happy just to be around you and you always know how to cheer me up. The late supper. The times where your hug makes it alright. Makes me feel safe because I know you will always be there for me. The laughs, the just spending time with each other even though we dont really talk. Even only with your presence, its enough. I just miss those times.
I like you. A lot!!!!! Its just sad that, I feel like when you come and hang out with me, you did it because you have to. Not because you want to. I dont know if its true. I hope not. I only want to ask one thing from you, to be honest to me. With me, you dont have to do anything, because you feel you have to. Do it because you want to. And if you want to tell me something or have a talk but you think it might hurt me or change how things are between us, dont feel that way.. Please do tell me. I wont say things will stay the same, but I can promise you this. I would not be immature and I will respect whatever youre decision is. Even if it hurts me, I will get over it. Not right away. But with time I will. It may take some time, but I do adore you and love having you as a friend. So, I hope thats enough to make us get back to where our friendship is on balance. :)
*pandarain*
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