Rambling 101

have you ever felt like crying when you see one of your friends crying? this is the first time i felt this way. when i see her crying about her life, suddenly my life flashes in my mind. how unhappy i am with my own life. the problems i have and the things that i wish i can change.


its weird how life treats you. i know god gave this test in our life because He knows that in the end we will learn something useful out of it. and like they say "what doesnt kill you, makes you stronger". but its annoying to me where i was put in a position where i cant do anything about it. or a consequences of gaining something by losing something. i know that we cant have it all. that is just selfish. but all i want is... oh well, i dont know. apparently im just a human being who doesnt know how to be grateful i think. i know theres a lot of people who have to face bigger problems than me. that is what annoys me too. this problem i have is so little and so petty that i dont think it deserve any attention. yet, this little things that matters most. urgh~


i never wanted something special or extravagant in my life. i just want it to be simple. without any dramas. but what is life without it right? i know that maybe in 10 years i would be laughing about this. and say how immature i was. but right now at this right time, i think it needs my attention. and i can no longer push it away. i have to face it and i have to talk through it. its okay if the problem is just me. but it becomes a problem when it involves someone else. especially in friendship. like the problem that i have now. i dont wanna lose a friendship so i decided to push it away. neglected it. because i know by talking something would change however we said that nothings gonna change, something always will. cuz it has been said.


but i also think in order for us not to end up hating each other is to talk about it. so there would be no assumptions and no confusions. just clarity. yes, thats the world i have been searching for. i just want clarity. i wish things can be different. yet i dont regret any of it and even whatever happens after the talk, im pretty sure i wouldnt regret it too. because it has to be done.i wish i can change one thing. but i dont regret even for a bit about it. i wish that night never happened. i think that we would be good friends. even great was possible. but if it did not happen i wouldnt have the memories that i hold on to now. the best moments i had with him. that i would always cherish even how bad things may end up, i have promised myself that whatever its is im not gonna hold on to the bad things. im gonna remember him, and smile. thats what i want.


i know i kind of rambling here, hence the title. well, its already 6am. and i havent got my sleep. thats why im talking rubbish right now. but i do mean it. every bit of it. oh, well. im out of things to say. my head hurts and i cant think anymore. so im gonna watch naruto now. morning people!!! =)