have you ever wonder....

why i never call you first?
why i never be the one who asked you out or have dinner or just to meet you?
why i have weird status on my facebook?
why i post depressing songs on facebook?
why i poke you on facebook?
why i dont write on your wall anymore?
why i stop sending 'i miss you' message when i really am missing you?
why sometimes when im with you, it seems like im thinking about something else?

DID YOU KNOW?
that for the first time i actually cried because of a guy and its you?
that i like you?
that it hurts me when you talk about her?
that it hurts me when you wanna be who you used to be?
that its REALLY HARD for me to stay close friends with you but i do it anyway?
that i miss your hugs?
that i miss running to your house when i have problems?
that i need you?
that every night you are the last thing i think about?
that i really want to call you but i cant?
that its hard, painful and exhausting to be in this situation?

i really want to end our friendship. cuz think about it, there is no way we can stay friends until the end of the day. you thought of getting married and i think you will. soon. do you think we can still be friends? think long and hard. so tell me, whats the point of all this?? dont you even think for a second that i dont cherish what we had. cuz you are important in my life. you are what i needed in a friend. and i never regret anything. yes, sometimes i do wish it never did happen. but i never regretted it. cuz when im with you, im ME. but is it worth it cultivating a friendship by going through all this. you might not feel the hurt im feeling. but dont you think im complicating your life? with the fights and attention that i want from you, which sometimes impossible for you to fulfill cause im just a friend? i dont know how long i can stay friends with you. i just dont know. but one day if we are not friends anymore, i dont want you to forget me. remember all the fun times we had. the stupid memories. cuz i wont forget anything. not a single detail. and i will always want the best for you. you are always more than a friend to me. even when everything comes to an end, you will always be THAT GUY.